- Joined
- Jan 4, 2007
- Messages
- 1,080
A friend sent this in an e-mail. I thought it was funny enough to pass along. I guess "Hangar Flying" might be an appropriate place for something like this?
Lynn
(I realized I mis-spelled "maintenance" in the title after I posted, but don't know how to correct it. Help?)
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS
pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P:
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left
inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in
cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on
windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold
mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on
ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence
removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more
believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:
That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S:
IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in
windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S:
Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles
funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with
lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming
from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a
hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Lynn
(I realized I mis-spelled "maintenance" in the title after I posted, but don't know how to correct it. Help?)
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS
pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P:
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left
inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in
cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on
windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold
mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on
ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence
removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more
believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:
That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S:
IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in
windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S:
Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles
funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with
lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming
from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a
hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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